** Kyon **

I dragged my ass into 1-5, having barely slept at all the previous night, between making adjustments on my cosplay so I'd have something to report and still being thoroughly spooked by Not-Yuki.  Haruhi was already in her seat, and her eyes lit up when she saw me walk in.  "Kyon!  Oh, Tsuruya got me thw most amazing blue wig for my Konata cosplay!  Oh, it's so adorable!  Want to see?"

Even as she reached for her bag, I was already slumping into my seat, the only thing keeping me awake was worry.

An evil bitch was running around posing as our Yuki Nagato, was holding Darian hostage and doing unspeakable things to him, and more than likely had ill intentions for this world... and all the others.

Haruhi snorted.  "Well, I didn't want to show you anyway!  What's your deal, anyway?  You've been acting oddly these past few days?"

I was half-tempted to just ignore her.  Too many thoughts were going through my head.

At that moment, though, I really wished I could harness her power.  That'd make this all go...

Then it hit me: I'd just given myself an idea.

I sat myself up and answered.  "Oh, sorry, Haruhi.  I stayed up last night, working on my cosplay and worrying."

Haruhi grinned.  "Good.  About time you... wait, worrying about what?"

"About whom, actually: Darian."  I exhaled, releasing some actual tension.

Haruhi's face became softer.  "Yeah.  Poor guy hasn't been in school all week.  I wonder how he's doing..."

I shrugged.  "Wish I could tell you.  I asked Yuki about him a couple times, and couldn't really get a straight answer.  It's almost as though she didn't really care how he was doing."  I forced out a sigh to punctuate the next line.  "Not at all like last time."

Haruhi sighed in response.  "Yeah, it..."  At that moment, something occurred to her.  "Hey, you're right!  When Darian was at the cabin injured, Yuki wasn't in class all week!  I knew that whole "family vacation" thing was bullshit!  She must have been taking care of him!"

I nodded.  "That makes sense to me too, given everything we know now.  Yeah, she spent a whole week with him then, and now she sits in class, not even mentioning him."  I looked away, abesntly.  "While he sits alone at her apartment, bedridden, and alone."

Just as I added that bit of flourish to my setup, the class bell rang and class started.

I was already only half-paying attention to the teacher, so I stole a few glances back to Haruhi.

She had that look.  The wheels were definitely turning.

At lunch, she jumped up and ran out of the room, going who-knows-where, and returned with a rather stern look on her face.  "Enjoy your lunch?"  I poked.

She snorted.  "Had some Brigade business to take care of.  Nothing you need to be concerned about.  Yet."

After pretending to pay attention for a few more hours, the final bell rang.  Once class officially ended, she stood and turned to me.  "Tell everyone I'm going to be a little late to the meeting.  Trust me: you're not going to want to miss this one."  With that vague advertisement, she turned and walked out of the room.

After waiting a few moments, I followed suit and headed toward the Old Building.  Once I got to the Club room, I put my hand on the door knob and hesitated, remembering last night's freakshow.  I exhaled and shook my head.  

I had to act natural.  

She would be.  

Steeling myself for what was to come, I opened the door and walked in.

As expected, Not-Yuki was sitting in the corner, book in hand.  I noticed some commotion behind the change curtain.  Mikuru.  "Hello, ladies."  I tried to be as genial as I could.

Not-Yuki responded with her usual "...".  Mikuru's voice seemed stressed from behind the curtain.  "Um, hi, Kyon."

I went to get the chessboard.  "Haruhi said to say that she would be a little late to the meeting today.  Some top-secret Brigade business or something."

After setting up the board, I noticed the commotion from behind the change curtain had stopped.  "You dressed, Mikuru?"

A short pause later, "Y-yes."

"Then come out and join us!"  I said that just as much to see a friendly face that it was to ensure I wasn't alone with Not-Yuki.

Her response was hesitant.  "Um... I... can't."

"Why not?"

I heard Mikuru  sigh.  "She said I had to wait for her."

I facepalmed myself.  "Let me guess: some new costume?"

"Y-yeah.  S-sorry."

As I racked my brain trying to guess what new indignity Haruhi was forcing upon Mikuru I felt a presence at my side.  I tensed as I knew exactly who it was, but did my best not to let it show.  "Hey, Yuki."  

"..."

I made adjustments to the chessmen, mainly to hide my nervousness, and just started to talk.  "Look, sorry about blowing you off yesterday.  I really needed to get home to work on my cosplay.  I'm a couple weeks behind as it is."

"..."

Her silence seemed to urge me to keep talking.  "Look, I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want anyone to worry, but the reason why I was behind on my cosplay, and the reason I've been so distracted lately, is because of Shamisen.  He'd come down with some bug, or ate something he shouldn't have.  Either way, he was in a bad way for a while, so I had to devote all my attention to him."  I chuckled.  "Well, he's okay now, so you don't worry, and I had to cram last night to get what I could do done so I had something to report to Haruhi.  Not that she'd be satisfied with anything..."

"I do not believe you."  

Not-Yuki's deadpan rebuke stopped my conversation cold and hung there like Damocles' sword over my head.

Dammit!  She called my bluff!

So there I was, staring down a being who could snap me in two with barely an effort – and who, more than likely, had that desire just now – stuck, trapped like a rat.

So, I did what any rat would do:

I fought back.

"Seriously?!"  I did my best to sound as exasperated as I could.  "After all we've been through, I tell you my cat's sick, and that's your response?!"  Then, feeling inspired, I slapped my forehead.  "Oh, right.  I forgot who I was speaking to.  Well, here's some new data for you, Nagato" – I spit her last name like a curse – "There are some people who actually give a shit when someone they care about is ill... not that you'd know anything about that!"  I folded my arms and turned away, putting on my best hurt and pissed-off face.

"Something the matter, Kyon?"  Koizumi's unmistakable grin entered the room.

I snorted and nodded my head back to Not-Yuki, who had conveniently returned to her seat.  "Why don't you ask the alien bitch over there?"  It felt good to say that in character.

Koizumi sat across from me and started to contemplate his first move while speaking.  "That was rather harsh. Kyon – uncharacteristically so."  He moved his pawn to start the game.  "Matter of fact, you've been at odds all week, from what I've heard and noticed.  Something you'd care to talk about?"

I looked up to him and met his eyes, then turned my eyes to Not-Yuki, then back to him, hoping he would get the message, before turning my eyes back to the chessboard.

Koizumi grinned, his face not showing any change.  "Well, I hope we can talk about everything after the meeting."

I picked up my pawn and started my move.  "Believe me, Koizumi.  I intend to."

As the game carried on, Koizumi asked, "Where is Suzumiya?"

"Oh, she said that she'd be late."  I nodded to the change curtain.  "And Mikuru is stuck behind the curtain for some reason until she gets back."

Koizumi nodded.  "Another costume change.  My understanding was this was a status update for our cosplays for the dance next Friday.  Has there been some change?"

"I'm glad you asked, Koizumi!"  Haruhi's voice pierced the tension of the room.  I looked up from my game, which I was  just about to win, and saw that she was carrying a gym bag over her shoulder.

In keeping in character, I decided to nudge her.  "We going to do calisthenics now?"

"Very funny, Kyon.  I'll explain in a moment."  She set the bag on her desk and turned to face us.  "All right, everyone!  Listen up!"

She stood there, fists balled on her hips, and waited, as though we were for some reason not listening to her already.

Satisfied that we were paying attention to her and only her, she started her speech.  "As you know, the dance is one week from today.  I hope everyone's cosplay is going smoothly..."  She looked right at me, "...Kyon..."

I turned away and covered my face.  Last thing I wanted right then was attention.

Grinning at my embarrassment, she continued.  "Anyway, make sure you're ready by Thursday, because Friday's the big day.  That said," I noticed her face was starting to scrunch in anger, "I want to change the subject for a moment."

Koizumi cocked his head.  "Something come up, Brigade Leader?"

Haruhi stepped around to the front of her desk.  "Simply put, I have something I want to say... to you."  Her body turned and stood facing right at Not-Yuki.

Not-Yuki looked up, confused.

Without warning, Haruhi stormed up to her chair, leaned down, and got right in Not-Yuki's face.  "What's your problem, girl?  Huh?  What the hell are you doing here instead of back home caring for Darian?  We all know you're sweet on him; you can't hide that from us.  Plus, when he was hurt back at the cabin, you stayed all week with him, didn't you?!  So what gives, huh?"

"..."

That stock response seemed to irritate Haruhi even more.  "Listen, you idiot!  When you take someone into your house, it's your responsibility to take care of them if they get sick!  Instead of being here, you should be there at his side!  So why are you here, huh?"

Not-Yuki glared at her for a moment, then returned to her book.  "That is a personal matter and none of your concern."

Haruhi reached down and slapped the book closed.  I don't think I'd seen her this angry since she was bawling me out back at the cabin.  Pretty much about the same thing, actually.

""None of my concern", huh?"  Haruhi seemed to be speaking through clenched teeth.  "Well, I have news for you, girlie:  Darian is a member of my SOS Brigade.  And when a member is ill and being mistreated, that makes it my concern, you hear me?!"  She stomped over to her desk and began to open the gym bag.  "You see as far as I'm "concerned", you've failed as a caretaker, and it's time for someone else to take over."

Koizumi, seemingly very confused by all this, asked the inevitable question: "Exactly what do you mean by that, Brigade Leader?"

Haruhi's grin reached its peak.  "What I mean, Koizumi, is..."  As she left that response hanging, she reached into the gym bag and pulled out handfuls of surgical masks and latex gloves.  "...we're going to visit him.  Now."

I had to fake a cough and cover my mouth to mask the shit-eating grin that was spreading across my face.  I stole a look over at Not-Yuki and saw, to my further amusement, what little color that existed drain from her cheeks.

You can try to stop me, bitch, but when Haruhi Suzumiya sets her mind to something, no force on Earth can stop her.

Not-Yuki stood and started to protest.  "I do not believe..."

Haruhi turned on a dime and put her finger in Not-Yuki's face.  "Uh-uh!  Not a word out of you!  You had your chance!  It's our turn now!"

I cleared my throat and chimed in, if only to keep up appearances.  "So what'd you do, Haruhi?  Raid every first-aid kit in school?"

She turned to me and glared.  "Do you think everything I do involves breaking a rule or law at some point?"

"Yes."  I answered without hesitation.

She rolled her eyes.  "Whatever.  For your information, I went to the school nurse and told her what I was planning, and she was kind enough to donate the masks and gloves for our cause.  And I was able to finagle some..."  She pulled out each item as she named them off, "Chicken soup, cough medicine, washcloths for a compress, and some cards to entertain him.  Oh, and that's not all..."

I saw where this was going, but I asked anyway.  "What else do you think he'd need?"

Her grin became very playful.  "Oh, a little bedside manner."  She clapped her hands.  "Mikuru!  Front and center!"

The change curtain was very slowly pulled aside, and I saw what Haruhi had done to Mikuru: a very skimpy nurse's outfit.

Haruhi presented her with a flourish that contrasted with Mikuru's obvious discomfort.  "Nurse Mikuru, at your service!"

Once again, I facepalmed myself.  I wanted to jump up and protest about how she was exploiting Mikuru again... but I had to admit, that choice was rather clever.

Koizumi, ever the polite one, spoke first.  "Very... appropriate, Brigade Leader."

Haruhi grinned back.  "Yeah, I thought so, too.  If this doesn't perk him up, nothing will."

I muttered under my breath, "It'll perk something up."

A gasp from the far end of the room meant that my crack wasn't as muttered as I thought it was.  Haruhi stared at me, a smirk toying at her lip.  "Kyon!  I had no idea!"

Realizing I couldn't unsay it, I went with it.  "Well, with Darian gone, someone has to pick up the slack.  I mean, I don't see you doing it..."

Suddenly, I felt a gym bag being shoved into my hands.  "Well, since you're so interested in Darian, you hand out the gloves and masks so we can go see him."

Unwilling to argue, I shrugged and went to the door as Haruhi rallied the "troops".  "All right, everyone!  Single file!  Each of you get two masks and two pairs of gloves.  Now let's go make someone's day!"  

Haruhi was first, grabbing her share, then Mikuru, who murmured a polite "thank you" on her way out, followed by Koizumi, who accepted his with his token grin.  Finally was Not-Yuki, who stood at the doorway, looking up at me with a glare that could melt stone.

I just grinned back and handed her her gloves and masks.  "You'll catch your death!"